will i ever be a good partner?

im the older child of my divorced parents..before they finally agreed to divorce and free us from the hell we were living in they were fighting everyday about everything.. their relationship was a nightmare for many years and they were together just because of that until one day we broke down ( me nd my siblings) nd literally begged them to divorce cz we were mentally drained all that made me hate marriage and disguse men cz dad was treating mom in a bad way (she did the same but i didn't realize that until i grew up nd thought abt how wrong i was when i stood by her side and was rlly mean with dad even tho sometimes she was the one to blame ) i Haven't been in many relationships my first one was when i was 17 and i was still a young girl didn't know what a healthy relationship is even the the guy i was with was kinda treating ne right i mean i rlly can't remember him being rude to me or hurting me but once i felt like i was getting attached to him i broke up on him later i realized i had attachement issues because whenever i get too close yo someone i feel like i have to leave or else ill be heartbroken then i got in another rs but it was online so its normal that we broke up i guess? im 20 yo now and ive been in this healthy relationship for like 6 months or more now we study at the same college but the thing is im changing colleges next year so i wont be seeing him as much as we did this man is serious about me and wants me to become his wife someday what amazes me about this person that he's honest and communicates in a good way as he believes that communication is always key and he cares for me he treats me well he gives me words of affirmation and validation and loves me and sometimes he shows up with some presents and its adorable! he makes it so clear that he doesn't wanna leave and that he trusts me ..he even cried in front of me ( a thing he didn't do for several years because of our arab perspective of how should a MAN be ) so i was really glad that he did finally cry to let out that negative energy and most of all in front of me and i reassured him i love this person and i rlly enjoy my time with him but sometimes i wonder what if i don't really love him because sometimes i turn very cold and when an argument pops out i just don't rlly care if he says that he's leaving even tho ik ill miss him like a fool but i kinda act like i dont care or am i rlly that careless? i rlly don't understand this and the other thing is .. even tho im so attached to him ( in those 6 months i spent with him we met almost daily) but i found myself not talking to him for the whole day only if he texted first i kinda have that "out of sight out of mind " thing ..like i do miss him but i can go days without texting him or calling him id just be in my dark room watching movies or series all day till my mom comes and shouts at me for not being productive and tells me how miserable i am xD she doesn't understand that thats how i renew my energy tho anyway i just like to add that i have adhd and daddy issues as my relationship with my dad was pretty messed up ( this year i told him i forgave him about all the things he did and i asked for forgiveness as well cz i was rlly hard on him and my words were so hurtful and i never apologized..so he did forgave me and i felt relived) my mom and i are besties so i don't think i have mommy issues but still she's always stressing me out becaus SHE IS STRESSED OUT i don't blame her there's too much pressure on her ..but thats not the right way to get rid of that stress well the point is due to all these issues.. will i ever be a wife or have a happy family? a happy mariage ? because i feel like i can leave everything at a moment and act like nothing happened like i can be cold as ice .. i was typing nd i realized that i was jumping from a topic to another and its just more proof that i have adhd xDD well i hope u read what i wrote i rlly just told everything that was on my mind and i hope i can get some advice thank you for listening ❤️